Barts vs IC1 (A) - 10/02/2025

BLWP 10 - 12 IC1

oh lord, another match report from a match that’s hazy in my memory. to re-iterate: i haven’t been playing and have been stood on pool side. how can i barely remember what’s happening? maybe i should go to the gp and get tested for memory loss.

20.30 on a monday night we took the tube to south kensington… this was already past Helsinki’s bedtime but she was full of energy. the ride encompassed plenty of shit chat including “the last thing I do before I leave London is to make sure Flaccid doesn’t get into imperial for his masters” from Tadpole Peter, and i’m not quite sure I can actually repeat his plan to make that come into fruition… just know it was outrageous. BCF was in it to win it, and knew we had a strong chance of winning this game.

First quarter everyone sprints out, and before we know it, Tp Balint has scored! Tp Bal’s shots are so fast that the goalie can’t seem to see the ball and block it. The strategy for this quarter was: tight press (as always, I’m like a broken record) and drop on pit. Tp Ellie and Leech were playing heavily on their players, as per the instruction of “DO NOT LET THEM GET THE BALL”. Tp Peter made his LUSL outfield debut and thought he’d show that he’s not only a great goalie but he’s also got a fantastic shot on him. Flaccid Brexit also showed that he’s not only good at attempting to flirt with Leech on the district line but he can also play waterpolo by firing in another two goals. First Quarter 4-3 to Bart’s!!

After a brief interlude of trying to impress the ref, BCF gave her boring and repetitive team talk. An unfortunate turn of events (probably due to BCFs waffling sending everyone to sleep) caused IC to score in the first 20 seconds of the 2nd quarter?? what? Watching Tp Dan and Grunion mark their pit A was one of the most entertaining things, i must say. Grunion was giggling and Tp Dan was being drowned (I think he secretly enjoys it as he always chooses to go in pit). Leech was being naughty and making sure to grab her player very very tightly, we all love a tight press. Tp Akanimo gracefully dived in and was zooming around the pool.

This was an unfortunate quarter where we didn’t score. Bart’s 4, IC 7.

3rd quarter. We knew that if we could push two of ICs players out of the game we could minimise their scoring. Grunion was heavily pressing their women’s captain, who was very unhappy about this, and their pit A was being double marked. is this the strategy to success ? YES! Tp Bal scored another banger and Grunion made sure his player didn’t even get to touch the ball. Who’s turning over the ball? HELSINKI IS!! Helsinki was helicoptering around making sure the ball was immediately stolen whenever it went within 2m of her player. such a slay. To Tash of course made some incredible saves (we can always count on her to be amazing in goal). Flaccid scored another two fantastic goals, as always.

3rd quarter: bart’s 8, IC 10.

Another game of “we score, they score, we equalise, we score, they score and equalise” I do love a tense game, I need the excitement in my life. Final quarter and we’re all on the edge of our seats… we know that if we can isolate their pit and make sure the ball does not get passed to him, we could seriously win. Tp Ellie had a fantastic performance, feeding the ball up the pool and somehow being in both ends of the pool at once, she’s SPEEDY. Tp Peter was putting his goalie skills to use and blocking shots from the arc. Tp Akanimo made me incredibly proud in this quarter, marking his player tightly and even getting a turn over! We saw another two delightful goals from Tp Bal and Flaccid. The communication was harmonious and everyone was so so so in sync. I feel we have all come so far this season and despite the match ending 12-10 to IC, we gave them a run for their money and a difficult time. Well done everyone!! I’m super proud of you all!!!

Goals:

Flaccid Brexit - 5

Tp Balint - 4

Tp Peter - 1

PoTM

Tp Akanimo - has improved so so so much recently and I am seriously so impressed with him! Please come to more matches and show off your skills!

DoD

ChatGPT - for a wildly inappropriate “apology/ reflective” message on the Bart’s group chat.