Barts vs ICSM1 (A) - 03/12/2024

BLWP 11 - 13 ICSM1

silly silly BCF forgetting to write her match report and it being a month later and barely remembering the match at all. very very bad form from BCF.

Bart’s were ready to take on ICSM and destroy them yet again. wait? To Dan is allegedly ill  and refusing my bribery of playing with a five guys??? what? Thank god we had a Tp Oscar and Tp Antonio step in and save the day! We also had an extra special appearance from the elusive Tadpole Ellie! Bart’s headed down to Ethos with much doubt it their minds, Flaccid Brexit was extremely unsure with a “if it goes to shit can we just fuck around and I’ll go in goal and just shoot from our 2m every attack?”, this radiated confidence… brilliant, thanks Flaccid.

1st quarter starts. (i can’t remember much of anything including who won swim offs so sorry team) Tp Ellie and Leech were putting in a heavy shift zipping up and down the pool closely attached to their players. The ball got fed in beautifully by someone probably and Flaccid scores!!! (or maybe it was a counter? your guess is as good as mine) anyway, well done Flaccid! Terrorphished made a big appearance on the wing and made BCF proud for the first time this year after his shocking attempts at running the table! First quarter was difficult, playing a super heavy press and practically doing a swimming race the entire quarter. 1st quarter 3-1.

Second quarter starts and Bart’s properly start the game after the nice warm up from the 1st quarter. Bart’s seemed to have taken some sort of PED because we were zooming along in the pool. Every attempted drive from ICSM was blocked and the press was really pressing. Tp Silas gave us all a beautiful demonstration of how to absolutely dominate your player, while Oscar was stuck to his player like super glue. Flaccid had fully warmed up his arm and banged three powerful shots into the back of the net. Go Flaccid go!!!

2nd quarter bart’s 4 icsm 5

BCF quickly realised her error of judgement and pulled together a team talk of “if we want to win this we can” idk some sort of redemption arc… cuffing season? NO!!! COMEBACK SEASON? YES!!!!! Golden beHinde clearly osmosised this information for the third quarter as he was on fire, scoring 4 goals. Tp Antionio showed off his skills on the wing, being super eager to give his player a hard time. slay. Other things happened in this quarter but i’ll leave it up to the readers imagination to envisage some sort of battle-like play where Bart’s are swimming around in shiny armour on horses (how do you play waterpolo - didn’t know horses could swim? dad joke thing) anyway, point is we were really giving ICSM a run for their money.

3rd quarter ends Bart’s 8 ICSM 10.

Pre going into 4th quarter BCF had completely changed her mind, determined to win this game. Each quarter Bart’s were playing better and better. imagine an exponential graph. that was us. Tp Tash was doing us all proud in goal, she’s like a flying fish i don’t understand how she gets out of the water so high to save goals. Leech and BCF were doing a nice little team work thing on driver and wing so cute. Flaccid and Golden beHinde were mirroring mine and Leech’s team work by assisting each other with some beautiful and powerful goals. If you’ve never seen one of them score a goal you’re seriously missing out. Whistle blows full time and we end 11-13.

After an incredible game of playing catch up and suddenly deciding to go for the win, BCF was so proud of her team for putting in a heavy shift. To honour her predecessor: the cookie was crumbly today and we don’t like crumbly cookies when they don’t crumble the way we want them to. I would also like to thank Tp Oscar, Antionio for stepping up in such short notice. And finally I offer my wettest apologies for this shoddy match report.

Lots of wet love, BCF xx

Goals:

Golden Behinde -  6

Flaccid Brexit - 5

Player of the Match:

Terrorphished for finally coming to play in a match and performing much better than he does on a Wednesday night