Barts vs LSE (A) - 17/11/2024

BLWP 20 - 09 LSE

After an extremely delayed trip down to Croydon, (not sure why anyone would ever go there unless to play a waterpolo match) including all of us feeling rather unwell to say the least (Golden beHinde was practically collapsed on the overground in his clothes from the night before), Bart’s arrived at Whitgift. We had a short word with the ref which included “if I didn’t see it, it didn’t happen” - this was slightly concerning. LSE seemed to have forgotten how to read the regulations tried to bargain their way into not playing 3 girls in the pool.

While trying to shut down the dodgy deal, the ref started the match with no warning… BCF was flailing around on pool side but it didn’t matter because Flaccid Brexit had already won the swim off. Before I could even get myself to the bench, Golden beHinde had put the ball into the back of LSE’s net. During the first quarter BCF noticed that LSE only had one woman in the water… aren’t LSE supposed to be good at counting?Given BCF’s foul mood this was a war they didnt want to start. BAM Golden beHinde scores again… we were all quite shocked given his aforementioned status on the overground. This quarter was penalty after penalty, with Bart’s scoring every one of them. First quarter ended with another 3 goals from Golden beHinde, one from Tp Silas, BCF, Tp Bal and Flaccid Brexit, 9-1 to us.

2nd Quarter. Who won the swim off? Silly question, Bart’s did and then scored right away! Leech was swimming up and down like a little fish marking her playing and letting them know she’s a force to be reckoned with. Helsinki stayed super close to her player making sure there was no chance of them getting the ball. Spoyster was winging on the wing, and making lots of space for out attacks! Tp Silas decided to be devious and got sent to the naughty corner twice but made up for it with a stunning goal. WHAM BAM Tp Balint swimming as fast as ever scores a gorgeous goal. We all love watching Tp Bal scoring he just does it so effortlessly. 2nd Quarter ended 12-4 to us.

After half time, BCF decided to be nice, as the threat of playing under protest seemed to work and LSE chose to follow the regs. Well done LSE you made the right decision. Beeeeeeep 3rd quarter starts. BCF sprinted all the way down to our attacking end only to hear a brief conversation between Grunion and their Pit D which was along the lines of: Grunion: “I don’t like swimming”, LSE pit D: “Neither, I hate it… shall we just sit here and have a chat”, Grunion: “Sounds good”. During Grunion’s and his opposition’s chit chat, Flaccid Brexit scored another 3 goals one after another. Tp Tash was doing insane work in the goal, making some unreal saves (I wish she wasn’t intercalating and would stay here forever). Tp Dan was sprinting up and down and his hard work paid off with a beautiful goal! BCF wanted to show the table that she’s not to be messed around with and took a shot and scored. Quarter 3 ends 18-5. Nice work!

Last Quarter. All of us are suffering, we’re tired, half of us are deathly hungover but we’re almost there…  Tp Dan wins the swim off. Hang on… What’s Leech doing? oh. Is she throwing up Lucozade in the pool? Yep… does that stop her? NO! Did she do it to scare her player? Probably. All of us were tired, but we continued to fight, Tp Silas was giving the pit D a very hard time in pit, we love to see it. Flaccid Brexit showed LSE what’s what scoring another 2 goals. At some point LSE decided that playing stop clock was boring and the fourth quarter had to be running clock. I think they were just scared of the lucozade chun in the pool and wanted to end the game ASAP.

Final Whistle blew and Bart’s were victorious in their first LUSL match! ZOOWEEMAMA i’m so proud of all of us. A lovely 20-9 win to start the season off right.

Goals Scored:

Flaccid Brexit - 7

Golden beHinde - 6

BCF - 2

Tp Balint - 2

Tp Silas - 2

Tp Dan - 1

Player of the Match: Golden beHinde for an extremely impressive performance, lots of goals, assists and counters despite looking beyond the grave and almost throwing up on our journey there! I’m extremely impressed

DOD: Leech for throwing up not once, but twice in the pool.