LUSL Barts vs ICSM 1s (A) - 28/11/2023

Tuesday 28th November saw the story of lusl Barts vs ICSM1. A game with two sides, truth or lie.

The opening line of my story courtesy of SGP “Don’t worry Kate, I got my my cock out to intimidate them” - truth. With rumours amid a public health crisis, the opposition kept their distance during the warm up - unconfirmed, waiting for results. Already we were in their heads.

The game commenced with Lumpfish sprinting up the pool to…… swim past the ball? In this sea of chaos Flaccid Brexit was awarded his first major - lies. Unfortunately this lead to ICSM scoring the first goal of the game. We began our attack, with Lumpy winning a pen - truth. And flaccid narrowly missing. Angry from hitting the woodwork Flaccid attempted to drown ICSM, getting awarded his second major - debatable? Lumpy decided to get the game moving with a beautiful goal! The girls stood strong in defence, with Helsinki pacing her player and Dirty Chub intercepting all her players plays. After being awarded out second pen - truth. Flaccid showed ICSM he knew where the net was. Nina with her extra testosterone was batting balls left, right and centre even when left blind by a ball to the face. The first quarter stood at 4-2 to ICSM.

The second quarter began with Lumpy winning the swim off, and pacing it up the pool to bang one into the net. Anglerfish paced up and down dominating pit giving even their strongest pit D a scare. Ceviche took to the pool, and believe me when I say everyone knew she was there. Pushing and pressuring her player, into turning over the ball. Flaccid on his best behaviour found space and sent one into the net. This quarter saw some impressive saves from Nina to show ICSM who was boss. Tadpole Josh found his own as pit D, leading how far is to far in waterpolo? being awarded his first major! SGP speed up and down despite the water resistance from his massive. 7-4 to ICSM.

Halftime saw Lumpy sneak to the other side to ask one of ICSM what he thought of his house after UH… rattled.

With fire in our bellies, the third quarter saw the best play lusl Barts has ever seen. Leech found out Anglerfish was getting naked with pit D and decided she wanted in on some saucy action and took to pit A - truth. With ICSM being near perfection, and not fouling us a single time - lies. After an impressive display of skills, we found the score line 9-9. The ref did not like this, this is where the game of truth or lies became mostly lies. Amazon Molly was busy still teaching the wing how to swim after lapping them over and over. After a few more majors to Josh and Lumpy - lies. The quarter finished on 12-9 to ICSM.

This is where the game of lusl Barts vs ICSM1’s ended and lusl Barts vs ref started. In the time it took Leech to carry out a brief trauma assessment on tadpole Josh’s mandible, Flaccid had been wrapped for chatting back in danish. Im pretty sure he just said ‘I love lusl Barts!’, but then again I’m dyslexic and don’t speak danish. With tadpole Josh shortly getting wrapped after replacing Flaccid, SGP entered the water to defend pit. SGP can be likened to a honey badger, small and aggressive. With half a team of girls in the pool, Lumpy held his own. We held out to the end of the game as best as we could. Shoutout to heli and Anglerfish for some beautiful play during this quarter.

The game ended 21-9 to ICSM1. Not the result I feel the team deserved, but it was a faultless performance from lusl Barts, and I’m so excited for the rematch again ICSM in our own pool, with added motivation, and a course of IM ceftriaxone.

Player of the match:

It was only right to award two…

  • Christina for an outstanding performance in goal, with some incredibly powerful shots from ICSM.

  • Liam for keeping calm under pressure, scoring some absolute screamers, and holding the team together in the final quarter.

Goals:

  • Christian - 6

  • Liam - 3