LUSL Bart’s vs ICSM 2s

On the 9th of November LUSL Bart’s headed to Poplar Baths to start their season! Feeling not so fresh-faced post LUSL reveal curry, LUSL Bart’s were feeling hungry for some action.

The game kicked off with Lumpfish sprinting down the wing to secure the swim off, quickly battling past ICSM’s defense to Flaccid Brexit to bang a shot in within mere seconds of the game starting. Just as quick as the lineup from the centre began, the ball was turned over and Lumpy lobbed one into the back of the net. Meanwhile, Club Captain Milfy Minet stood strong in goal, not only battling the balls but also her Spanish flu/COPD/pulmonary alveolar microlithiasis, not letting a single goal past the whole quarter. The girls set up a strong defensive, countlessly turning over the ball to feed to Flaccid Brexit who scored another four effortless shots. 6-0 to Bart’s.

The second quarter began with Amazon Molly returning to the water and winning the swim off, blowing off the cobwebs to continue to speed up and down the wing. This quarter saw Tadpole Josh debut for LUSL and whip in an easy shot after shaking off his player on the wing. Tadpole Vlas was a naughty boy and received his first major, claiming Leech said he was allowed to drown people. Anglerfish had finally warmed up her GILFy joints and started throwing shots so hard the ICSM goalie didn’t even see them coming. After banging the crossbar as many times as she had shots last night, Leech took to the 5m line to take a penalty. But her love affair with the crossbar was too strong. Ceviche came in hard on the wing, pressing her player so hard she won the ball to swiftly pass to Lumpy to whack another shot in. 9-2 to Bart’s.

The third quarter saw possibly the most graceful player ever to grace BLWP actually play in a game, it has been confirmed Piscivore can in fact both float AND swim and even catch a ball. The 8th wonder of the world was also discovered, Helsinki climbing a 6ft man as Pit D, and effortlessly turning the ball over. Tadpole Balint was finally unleashed from the defense, and swiftly sped up the pool to score two back-to-back goals which made the whole pool feel like they were back at school and Balint was our teacher. Dirty Chub unlocked her inner aggression and turned the ball over from ICSM to assist Lumpy in scoring his third goal. Piscy then decided with seconds left of the quarter he had enough of being a graceful seal and decided to drown the opposition and be awarded a major. 13-3 Bart’s.

With wise words from Leech of ‘Save goals and score goals’ the final quarter was upon us and it was ‘for the girls’. With Lumpy winning yet another swim off, and with Flaccid Brexit tired of trick shots, the girls took on the pool. With half the women’s team in action, they held their own (Vlas, now a proud member of the women’s team). Anglerfish showed her name is not one to be forgotten, she pounded in goal after goal. Helsinki showed their PitA who was boss, but the ref didn’t agree so gave her a major. Amazon Molly was the next recruit of the women’s team and of the crossbar lovers. Ceviche was too speedy for her player, leaving her player wondering which way we were actually playing.

The final whistle blew and Bart’s were victorious with the score line at 16-6.

Player of the match:

Piscivore with his 100% success rate in matches, entirely responsible for our win. And actually impressing everyone with his defensive skills, knowing a few of the rules, and the fact he ‘learned how to shoot and can teach everyone’ in the 10 minute warm-up.

Goals Scored:

Flaccid Brexit - 7

Lumpfish - 3

Anglerfish - 3

Tadpole Balint - 2

Tadpole Josh - 1